


“You can’t come here and only eat the free samples.”

by WhisperingMagpie



Series: Prompts [21]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: costco, crackfic, poor steve, shopping with the avengers is a bad idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 09:27:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14102421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhisperingMagpie/pseuds/WhisperingMagpie
Summary: Having the Avengers all together out in public and trying to keep them from getting into trouble is like herding cats.Steve was starting to contemplate being put back on ice, because by the time they got home, he was going to be feeling every one of his ninety-two years.





	“You can’t come here and only eat the free samples.”

**Author's Note:**

  * For [destimushi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/destimushi/gifts), [Dreamer_of_Improbable_Dreams](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamer_of_Improbable_Dreams/gifts).



> What was meant to be innocent domestic Steve and Tony grocery shopping quickly became the entire team causing chaos at Costco, thanks to the genius ideas of Dreamer_Of_Improbable_Dreams. Enjoy!

Every time Steve turned around, Tony was gone again. Disappeared down an aisle to argue with some poor Costco employee about the latest home cleaning product being demonstrated, or swipe another helping from the foods being sampled. It was the worst place to take Tony Stark. Always something to distract him, someone to argue with or argue about. Sometimes Steve thought he enjoyed picking fights. He liked to prove he was the smartest person in the room. Maybe it was because he was bored. Or maybe it was because of all the free snacks.  
  
“Just going to grab one for my wife, too, if that's alright,” Steve heard from around the corner, where he found a table handing out pizza samples. He sighed, and folded his arms across his broad chest, waiting at the end of the aisle until Tony caught sight of him.  
  
“Did you just call me your wife?” Steve grinned, eyebrow raised.  
  
For a split second, he thought he saw a hint of something other than patented Stark ego, before Tony snorted and rolled his eyes. “These aren't for you. Get your own.” Then, he chowed down on one sampling of pizza, and then the other, in quick succession. “Try a couple of everything, and don't even have to buy lunch.”  
  
Steve sighed and lead the way towards the bakery department, pausing near a tower of muffins to place a large tray in the cart. He paused at a table of pastries, and turned to ask which ones Tony wanted. He wasn't sure why he even bothered. He picked a box at random and dropped it into the cart.  
  
In the next department over, Tony was sampling a couple bites of grilled shrimp. He circled around and met Steve back in the bakery, inspecting the boxes of baked goods. He put the pastries back and chose another with a different selection.  
  
Tony glanced up to see Steve frowning in confusion. “What? I didn't like the other ones.”  
  
Steve shrugged. “Well, I was going to ask what you wanted, but you had wandered off again.”  
  
“Man's gotta eat,” Tony said with a smirk.  
  
“It's okay, I'll just...finish the shopping myself,” Steve trailed off, as Tony had bolted for the next sample table a couple words in. Steve sighed again.  
  
For about the next ten minutes, Steve continued to shop in peace, making his way down one of the freezer aisles with his list in hand. Until Thor showed up with a massive family sized box of Pop Tarts.  
  
“I didn't think you were coming,” Steve commented as Thor stowed the box on the rack under the cart.  
  
Thor smiled cheerily. “You weren't gone long before everyone else followed. They wanted to decide on their own sustenance, so Natasha brought us here.”  
  
Steve smiled in return, but his smile dropped quickly. The entire team. In Costco. Causing chaos.  
  
“Whole team?” he asked nervously.  
  
“Whole team,” Thor nodded excitedly, looking like he'd probably sampled an entire tray of sugary Pop Tarts before deciding on the box. He turned and walked away with a purposeful stride, likely for more 'exotic' American junk food.  
  
Steve glanced around at every turn he took, waiting for something to go wrong. Every once in a while, Tony would stop by with more samples in his hands to inspect the cart, shaking his head when Steve had chosen the wrong brand or flavor of an obscure cereal.  
  
As he approached the dairy section, Bucky walked over and dropped a small bottle into the cart, turning and disappearing without a word. Steve frowned as he picked up the bottle to read it. “...Prenatal vitamins?” He looked up to ask, but Bucky was long gone.  
  
At the end of the row, right before the walk-in produce cooler, Natasha was dressed in a Costco uniform, handing out samples of strawberries and yogurt. On cue, Tony zoomed over and took two portions, giving her a knowing wink as he ate them both right in front of her.  Steve shook his head when she offered him one, eyes narrowed suspiciously.  
  
Natasha gave him a big smile, still holding out the sample cup. “Oh, come on. You have to try them! Our strawberries are the grown locally!” She glanced at Tony who was peering into the cart at the bottle of vitamins, and then back to Steve. “Oh, aren't you two cute? How long have you been married?”  
  
When Steve's mouth gaped open, Tony bust up laughing. Meanwhile, Natasha waved a hand apologetically, her tone dropping into a country drawl. “Oh gosh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you! You two just look like you've known each other for a long time. Making decisions on the groceries and all. It's so precious.”  
  
Steve gave her a forced smile, while his eyes held a very uncharacteristic glare, before he followed Tony to the next department. As they went back by the bakery on the way to the pharmacy, where Steve planned to put the vitamins back, as he couldn't fathom why Bucky wanted them, a box of powdered donuts tumbled from a high shelf into the cart.  
  
Steve let go of the cart, bringing his arm up quickly to block any other falling boxes as he peered upwards. He caught a glimpse of someone dashing back behind the pallets, and scuffling sounds much like someone rustling around. A moment later, Clint appeared, taking a seat on the top of the highest shelf, nibbling on a donut. Sugary dust and a couple of crumbs sprinkled down as Clint dusted off his hands, and then waved at him.  
  
Steve opened his mouth to ask, but just shook his head and groaned in frustration. This is why he had offered to do the shopping alone. The rest of the team was going to get them all kicked out. If anyone asked, he didn't know them.  
  
A clinking noise brought his attention back to the cart. A gigantic coffee mug the size of a mixing bowl had appeared in the cart, and Bucky was standing next to it.  
  
“Bucky, put that back, we don't need it. Tony has plenty of dishes.”  
  
Bucky just stared at him deadpan, not taking his eyes off him while he slowly reached over to take another mug off the shelf, and deliberately placed it on top of the other one, completely obscuring the bottle of vitamins. Then he walked away again.  
  
Steve's phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out, finding a text from Bruce, who was back at the tower, probably enjoying the peace and quiet. It was a short list of requested ingredients for foods he wanted to cook. Steve put away his phone after a short confirmation. He was going to have to double back to almost every department for what Bruce wanted.  
  
After checking his list with the mountain of groceries in the cart, not counting all the nonsense items the other Avengers had added that Tony hadn't protested against, Steve decided that he had everything. He headed for the checkouts, and when he saw the long lines stretching down the central aisle of the store, he just about gave up. Picking the shortest line, he rested his folded arms down on the handle of the cart and closed his eyes for a moment.  
  
“Want a bite to eat?” Tony piped up beside him.  
  
When Steve opened his eyes, Tony was holding one of every sample, setting them down carefully in the top basket of the cart.  
  
“For me?” Steve asked skeptically.  
  
Tony just smiled and patted him on the shoulder. “You look exhausted. You deserve a treat, _Dear_.” He emphasized the last word sweetly, chuckling at Steve's mortified expression. “And you told me I shouldn't come if it was only for the free samples. Now. You stay here in line while I go round everyone up.”  
  
Steve nodded slowly and smiled, nibbling at the samples. He was looking forward to getting home. Maybe he could make the others unpack the groceries while he sat down.  
  
Just then, he heard a loud crash a few aisles over, while a muffled voice over a megaphone said firmly, “Sir, please close that hatch and come down or we will be sending security up there after you! You need to pay for the pallet you knocked down!”  
  
Steve was starting to contemplate being put back on ice, because by the time they got home, he was going to be feeling every one of his ninety-something years.

**Author's Note:**

> In case you were wondering about the vitamins, I heard that one of the cast joked in an interview that Bucky should take them because they're good for your hair.


End file.
